Calling All Women

Here's the deal, ladies, we have a problem. No matter if you look like this:

or like this:

We all pick ourselves apart.

Some are loud about their insecurities, making them into a joke. Hurry, say something funny about how much weight you've gained before they notice on their own! Comment on your hair roots with wit so they KNOW you are aware you have them!

Some are quiet about them. Only tearing themselves apart in private when they are getting ready in front of the mirror. Wishing, hoping, fantasizing about looking better. Whatever they imagine better being.

Gah, my life would be so much better if I could just change ________ about myself!! Do you realize how much money and time we spend on things to try and make us look "better"? Secrets and tricks of the trade to enhance our appearance. What is our end goal? When will we feel satisfied, dare I say even HAPPY, with how we look? And if/when we get there, how long will it last?

Even more devastating than our appearances, we even pick ourselves apart from the outside to the inside. Heart issues. Why aren't I in _____ place in my life yet? What's wrong with me? Am I doing things wrong?

I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it - something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing of failing at who she is. I am not enough and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heals, feeing on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone. 

After all, if we were better women - whatever that means - life wouldn't be so hard. Right? 

We feel unseen… unsought… uncertain… Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. 
(Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge)

What a dangerous game wanting more is. It's a like poison in our brains that manifests itself.

Good news!! Being thankful is the antidote.

Here's the other problem we women have, we all have an unspoken competition with each other.

We judge, OH WE JUDGE, to no end. Even to other women that WE LOVE.
Not only do we judge them for whatever we think up to be their faults, we also put them down for it.

And if judging them silently wasn't enough, we also do it out loud. GOSSIP!

You know why we all love the movie Mean Girls so much!? BECAUSE WE ARE ALL MEAN GIRLS. It is the story of all of our lives in some round about way. Some more subtle, some more intense.

You know why we do this to each other, right? We do it in efforts to lift ourselves up a little bit.
Ugh, I've been so unproductive today, but she looks horrible in this picture so that makes me feel a little better. 
I haven't accomplished any of my goals yet, but this girl looks like her life is falling apart so at least I'm not THAT bad. You know the drill, insert whatever circumstance that goes on in your head.
For example, today I saw a woman who was a complete stranger and she was GORGEOUS. I mean her outfit was spot on for her perfect body type and I immediately thought in my head Oh my gosh, she is so pretty, I hate her. 

Ladies, can we all just give each other A BREAK. We are all on the same team here.

Psalm 139:14 says "I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made"
Do we really speak this over ourselves? Do we speak this Truth over other women, who are also fearfully and wonderfully made by our Creator?

I want to encourage us all to start praying for God to change our hearts to being positive, uplifting women to ourselves and others. Come on! Let's do it!

365 days of marriage

How can it be a year of being husband and wife already?! And in the same way, how can it ONLY be one year that we've been married. Funny how life makes you think that way. Well you're in for a real treat this blog post because it will mostly be Judson's words from a letter he gave me on our anniversary.

I will say, that there is no doubt my love for Judson after this year is stronger and deeper than I even knew it could be on our wedding day. He is my absolute best friend. We have our ups and we have our downs, but he is my constant. He is something I KNOW I can count on every. single. day.

In all honesty, being married for 365 days doesn't feel too much different than being married for 300 days, 200 days, or even 100 days. It has always felt right. Our lives have changed A LOT in our first year of marriage. We both graduated college, got our first real jobs, moved to a new town unknown to both of us, learned how to be an adult. Even with all that change, Judson and Elizabeth are still Judson and Elizabeth to each other. Does that make any sense? Maybe you just have to live it to know it.

Anyway, before I go any further here is Judson's letter to me on our anniversary:

My sweet wife, 
This has been the absolute greatest year of my life! I know I don't always show it and I may take you for granted a lot of the time, but I really do need you. This life that we have started creating goes all the way back to those first walks we had. I was filthy in sin and lost in every which way and YOU were the one to give me your hand and help me out of that mess. I will never forget that in all the years that we live! You are spiritually the strongest person I have met. You continue to push me in my faith without even knowing it. I owe you the world and I intend to make that up to you throughout my life. You are still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Our babies are going to be so adorable! But they will be that way because you're the most caring and loving woman I have ever met. You will always be the greatest thing to ever happen to me and our children will know it. They will get all of their good qualities from you except their humor, that's from me! haha just kidding. 

Seriously there is no one I would rather spend my life with than you and I appreciate you for all of my crap that you have put up with. Im sorry for being so stubborn, difficult, and grumpy because I could NOT do this thing called life without you. 

I love you so so much and cannot wait to start the first year of our official adult life with you. I know the move was hard, but trust me I'll always take care of you. Because I need you more than you need me. You are my angel sent from God above and I love you so much.
-J

So, yeah I was bawling my eyes out while I read it. He's really great.

Now before you think, "This girl is a freak, why is she sharing this personal detail about her life with the world?"
I'm sharing it with you because just like you read in there we aren't perfect. our marriage is not perfect. The world needs to know that when God made marriage, He didn't intend for us to do it perfectly.

Our love and life is OUR fairytale and 80% of the time it feels like a fairytale, but 20% of the time it is HARD WORK. Love is a feeling but it is also a choice. I have ALL THE GOOD FEELS for Judson and I know vice versa. But sometimes we feel pissed, annoyed, fussy, or whatever instead of ALL THE GOOD FEELS and that's when love becomes a choice. We choose to love each other through all the crap life brings, including each other's crappy sides.

This is what is true in our love no matter the feels or the choice, there is no fear. I have no doubts that he will ever try to quit this or me. He never has tried since day 1 of us crushing on each other. When we stood in front of all of our family and friends and vowed to love each other until death due us part, there wasn't an insert of UNLESS we start to drive each other insane, life changes too much, we drift too far apart, things become too hard, we disagree on too many things, to many mistakes have been made, etc. There is NO UNLESS to us. And after all, isn't that how the Lord intended earthly love to be? An extension of His love for us. Unconditional.

Oops, we did it again

Brittany Spears couldn't have said it any better than by, "oops I did it again".

I posted about a month ago about a stray kitten we found under our porch. She was really sick and after multiple vet visits, her little body just couldn't fight any longer. When she died we were really, REALLY, almost irrationally, sad. She was the sweetest little thing and we just fell in love.

she's the little fuzz ball in that towel on my lap

After she passed away we decided that we are NEVER taking in stray pets again. It just breaks your heart! Only healthy, taken care of pets from now on.

Ever since then we have been searching for a new kitten at animal shelters. We hadn't had any luck. No kitten seemed like the right one.

On Wednesday this week I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the carpet in our sunroom where Rylee had an accident from drinking too much river water and who knows what else while we were at the family reunion. All the sudden I hear our garage door open which means JUDSON IS HOME. It was way too early for him to be done with football camp, hmmm.. He opens the door and says, "Baaaaaabe, I found something."

I walk to the door and see him holding A PUPPY IN A BOX. This puppy was running all over the football field during their camp so Judson went and grabbed him and asked the houses around the field if it was their dog. No one claimed him so he brought him home! We started calling him Scout because he was clearly scouting the San Saba Armadillo Football Team.

No more pictures!!!

He had no collar and was covered in fleas. I washed him up and fed him, and we talked about taking him to the shelter because NO STRAY PETS FOR US ANYMORE. REMEMBER?!

And then we.. uh.. started really liking him.

And by liking him I mean LOVING him.

butt sniffing

HE'S SO LITTLE.

He's currently sleeping on my arm while I type this. To prove it, here's a webcam picture.

So…..

Goin' down to the river to pray...

My whole life I've grown up going to Copperas Creek in Junction during the summer for family reunions. This summer was especially special because I got to bring my husband with me! He got to see the place I have so many childhood memories and that's always special. Plus, it's just nice to go deep into the woods with no cell phone service and be with family.

Judson saying, "Jump Knox!" and Christie and I saying "Knox you HAVE to jump FAR out! DONT HIT THE ROCK"

Morning coffee time

Holding all the babies

Knox loves his Uncle Judson 

Judson reading his bible

TRU LUV

By far my favorite memory of the weekend was Judson giving the sermon at our little church service on Sunday. I had no idea what he had prepared so it was all a surprise to me. It was the most genuine message and I had tears in my eyes the whole time.

serendipity and a teacher's hope

Do you ever feel like God is telling you, "You are exactly where you are supposed to be."?

Well, I do and over this past year He has practically been yelling it at me.

I'm a little stubborn and maybe a tiny bit of a control freak. I like to feel like I control situations in my life. Guess what, I DON'T. I never have and I never will. The Lord took control of me and my life a long time ago, THANK GOODNESS, because I shutter to think where I would be today if He hadn't.

Sometimes God does things to continue to remind me that He has my back. He's good like that.

Let me preface what I'm talking about by telling you that since I knew my numbers and letters, the number 3 has been my favorite number because it is an E backwards. Pretty simple. I chose "3" my whole childhood in things, and as I got older I loved it because it is also a symbol for the Holy Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Ghost). 3 was my number in sports and if I was lucky I even got to pick 33. I love the number 3!! Okay?!

Then this boy Judson came along, you may have heard me talk about him before. After 3 months of dating we told each other we love each other. At 9 months of dating (3x3=9, yeah I'm a math teacher) he proposed to me with a ring that has 3 diamonds on top. I see You, God, telling me I'm where I need to be.

The only date in the whole entire summer that we would be able to get married was August 3rd, 2013. August THIRD. two thousand THIRTEEN. So many people thought we were rushing it, but God knew. He set it up in a way that assured me. Good one, God!

And it was perfection.

When it came to the stress of job searching and TOWN searching, it was really hard for me to not have control over the situation. Our number one priority was Judson getting a job and then I would find whatever I could. Well San Saba asked for both of us and offered Judson his dream teaching and coaching job. They told me I would be teaching 5th grade math. 5th grade is at the MIDDLE SCHOOL. Not even elementary school anymore! That really made me uneasy.

I have always seen myself teaching little ones. I'm good at teaching little ones. I'm comfortable with teaching little ones. These are BIG ones! Same height as me ones. Pre-pubesent ones. Will they like me? Will they respect me? Doubt. Doubt. Doubt. Unsure. Unsure Unsure.

Is this where I'm supposed to be? Am I doing what I am supposed to be doing?

The principal gave me a tour of the school and brought me to my classroom. Classroom number 3.
MIND BLOWN.

I literally giggled out loud and said, "Classroom number 3, huh?" My principal said, "Yup, this is your classroom. Classroom number 3."

I said, "That's perfect. It's my favorite number." as I beamed inside knowing God was once again telling me that He pre-designed this all for me.

So there's another story of God's faithfulness. I couldn't get it all out of my head today as I was decorating my room.

As I scooted desks around, organized books, and studied my kids previous STARR results, I had butterflies in my stomach. There's so many things I'm nervous about as a first year teacher, but there's so many MORE things I'm EXCITED about.

I’m excited to know their personalities. I'm excited to hear their discussions. I’m excited to see all the good that I know is lying within them. But, the thing that I am most excited about is getting to tell them:

You are so loved. You are valuable. You can make a difference in this world.

I want those messages to radiate through them every day, every week, every month. I hope that all my words and all my actions represent those things to them. My hope is that someday those messages will stick, that they will bury so deeply in their hearts that they will KNOW them to be true.

I will leave you with this picture of Judson at his new coaches office desk because even though he hasn't said the words exactly like I just said, I KNOW he feels the same way about all of his football boys and his students. Sharing the same passion is really awesome. And, look how cute he is!

marital advice

This past weekend I was in my BEAUTIFUL dear friend's wedding. We were roommates all 4 years of college and she is just so precious to me. Plus: LOOK HOW PRETTY!

She was glowing and it was such a beautiful night! I don't live remotely near any of my friends anymore so it is so sweet/special/FUN when we are all reunited!

At the reception the wedding party and their dates were seated at the head table. At each table there were cards and envelopes to write marriage advice for them to read on their anniversaries. The one at our table was for them to read at their ONE year anniversary, and since in a matter of days I will be celebrating my one year anniversary (WHAT?!?!?) I thought man, I HAVE SO MUCH KNOWLEDGE TO BESTOW.

Also, can I just say, this guy is my favorite dance partner everrrrrrrrrr.

So Judson and I were sitting there wondering what to put in this card, because SO much happens in your first year of marriage. It is the biggest life change! Then Judson said, "You should just write, 'Hug It Out, Bitch'."

Now before you think that he is extremely distasteful and crude, this is a mantra we have actually applied to our married life. Anyone who is anyone who knows us, even kind of, KNOWS we are absolutely crazy about each other. I'm sure it is nauseating to some people how mushy gushy lovey we are and I DON'T CARE. It's who we are! But let that not fool you to think that we don't argue and fight. We have argued and disagreed on the most arbitrary things. What kind of toilet paper we should get, daily habits, how long to microwave something, HOW TO FALL ASLEEP (reading vs. tv watching), etc. See what I mean? Going from being your own person to becoming one unit is a HUGE adjustment.

Judson HATES it when we don't get along. I hate it too, but I tend to hold on to it a little bit longer than he does. Yes, okay, I hold a grudge. BUT I'm working on being better at letting things go. And, depending on the argument sometimes the roles reverse and he is the one that is holding on to it. Needless to say, we had to figure out a way for us to become neutral so that we can either discuss the issue or drop it because it was pointless to argue about anyways. Enter: Hug It Out, Bitch.

Because EVERYONE needs hugs. Especially, when you are angry or upset. It makes everything better. Sometimes we have to hug it out like 4 or 5 times before we are actually not upset anymore.

hehe.

We had to abbreviate it to saying HIOB, because I started getting offended when he would say "bitch" whenever I was already upset. So now we literally say HIOB (HE-OH-BA).

Sometimes we even have to HIOB from a distance. We had a disagreement while he was at coaching school this past week and he could tell from my not mushy response the next morning that I hadn't let it go yet. Classic case where HIOB has come to the rescue.

So let's all HIOB when we have disagreements. Why doesn't anyone ask my opinion on how to obtain world peace? Sheesh.