I'm 23 and lame

10 years ago around this exact time began my impossible, obsessive, deep desire to be "cool". A LOT like THIS clip describes. I started this fear of "what will people think if [fill in the blank]?" It sounds ridiculous, I know. But I think a lot of you probably have felt something along the same lines at some point in time. And if not, then you are a special breed of human!

Here I am now, a decade later, a person that would have mortified my 13 year old self.

 

It became all too real to me this past weekend for ACU homecoming. ALL my dearest, best friends were together again and it was so divine. (minus my bekah still being 5 hours away).

But besides the comforting surroundings of my sisters, I was also reunited with a lot of people I went to school with. I was asked the typical questions of how is married life, what am I up to now-a-days, how is everything going? I was also just out in public, being social, and mingling with people my age. All of which I felt a lot like this...

In my defense, I do spend 8 hours every day with children talking in silly voices, singing songs, dancing around and making a fool of myself and the other hours with my man-child husband talking in silly voices, singing songs, dancing around, and making a fool of myself. My closest friends are doing things like going to nursing school, 2 are living Dallas lives, 1 is in grad school (genius), 1 is a news anchor, and 1 works for alumni associations for A&M. Do you see the difference in lifestyle? I'm lame. I admire all of them for the ways they are all beautifully different, but I've never let myself feel O.K. with being different than them. Initially it felt like I let myself go, but now it feels like I'm finally just letting myself find freedom in just being me. Lame and all. And you know what? To my students, my husband, and family members I feel like this...

Being 23 is weird because it feels like I have my feet in two different worlds. My parents, Judson's parents, my grandparents, and my brother all either had a baby or were pregnant at age 23. Um.. What?? Surely, I can't be that old already. When all my friends were visiting my house this weekend, that I live in with my husband, I felt so old. Surely, I can't be as young as they are. WHAT AGE AM I!? Oh, life. It's so funny how we compare ourselves to each other. Why do we do it? Why can't we just release ourselves to follow our own journey even if it looks strange standing side by side to someone else's? Let's all just ease up on ourselves and each other. 

My sister in law once said, in some round about way, that a true sign that you're an adult is embracing your inner weirdness. So that is what I plan to do on this 23rd year of life. I plan to just find joy in the things that truly give me joy even if that means letting go of the fact that I'm not that cool. I love going to bed around 9:30! I like vacuuming, reading, and doing crafts! I love documenting every small moment of life with pictures! I suck at small talk in social settings! Sorry 13 year old Elizabeth, I gave you a decade of effort. After all, aren't your 20's made for finding who you really are?